Personality Desire Clash

I’m not submissive. I’ve never been submissive. I can’t see myself ever becoming submissive.

Different people have different types of personalities and those personalities are what allow them to be able to live as Master and slave. The obvious match would be dominant with a submissive but I’ve learned from personal experience and by reading about other’s M/s relationships that the most obvious match isn’t always the most common match.

I read all the time from slaves that they are not submissive and I can understand that completely because I’m not a submissive either. I don’t back down easily and sometimes I don’t back down at all. I hardly ever listen and I’m constantly in trouble even when I don’t ‘want’ to be! And with an exception to my Master… I don’t listen to anyone without good reason first.

This is because my personality clashes with what I crave… with my desire. I want to be tied up. I want to submit to one man because I have to regardless of want. I want to be made. I crave to be forced. I want to be owned and treated as something that is owned.

I don’t know why and that is what makes this so hard for me. Every fiber of my being screams at me not to want this but I do anyhow. Even though I always try to take control of the situation, I don’t want to! But I try anyways. Does it get more confusing than that?

I may not be a submissive but I am a slave. I do have a Master and as our relationship goes further I listen better and better. My desire to listen increases. And I become a better slave day by day. Ultimately this is what I want regardless of what part of me tells me I don’t.

And I love the fact that my Master gives it to me.

When I try to run because the drive in me to be in control begins to overpower what I desire he doesn’t let me. He does whatever it takes to get me to back down regardless of what little games I pull. Due to me being pregnant through most of our M/s relationship he’s had to use many different tactics. Some included tying me to the bed and leaving me. Others included stripping me down to where I couldn’t leave the room.

The last time Master had to ‘put me back in my place’ was Christmas Eve. I tried every game that I could to get my way but nothing worked. I felt so upset for hours afterwards but I realized that that was exactly what I needed and I feel I’ve been much better behaved since then. My drive to disobey has lessened and my craving to please has risen.

Having your personality clash with what you desire is rough but can be overcome. It just takes time and I feel so lucky that I have found a man who wants to take that time for me. :)